honduras

mission lazarus

I'm leaving for Honduras in a few days.  I haven't been sleeping much and my thoughts are jumbled and fuzzy instead of focused and crisp.  I'm emotional and sentimental and busy (and low on sleep!) ... all things that make things a little wacky when combined.

All I can think about is how much I am going to learn and feel through this trip.  This trip that is supposed to be a trip full of helping and serving others.  Who am I to go?  Who am I to teach and love and serve with these people across the globe?  People that have far, far less than me are going to show me love.  Show me devotion.  Show me service.  Show me community.

To tell you the truth, I'm scared to let myself feel all of these emotions.

Right now I'm a jumbled mess trying to make sense of life and all the thoughts.  But, maybe it's not all about "making sense" of the mess.  Of life.  Of the differences and our shortcomings.  I don't think it's supposed to be all black and white or easy to figure out.

There's a reason life wrecks us some times.

It's all about holding on to that reason and being changed because of it.

Prayers appreciated over the next few weeks.  I'll keep you all updated on our experiences and travels!

summer with a boy

To tell you the truth, I was so nervous to find out that we were having a boy while I was pregnant.  A lot of my friends that were Moms had daughters, I had an older sister, and the majority of my cousins (who are like siblings to me!) are girls as well.  The unknown was daunting and I had no clue how I was going to connect to this little guy that was growing inside of me.  

Now, with a year and a couple months under my belt as a Mom, I couldn't see my life any other way.  I would be lying if I didn't admit that there are days I wish Ramsey was just a little bit less active and daring, but when I'm honest with myself I realize how much of a gift having an active and adventurous boy has been. 

The summer is going by way too fast (as it always does), but my guy and I have really enjoyed every last bit.  I have really gotten to know him on a different level over the past few months and we have connected like never before.  We have spent more hours outside rather than inside and have explored almost every inch of our backyard and the trails by our house.  It's so much fun to watch him be so purely excited and full of joy.  There is always a hill to climb, some dirt to get into, and some bird searching to be done.    

devil's lake trail run

One of my prayers this summer was to say yes to things that make me nervous. I started the summer knowing that I want to stretch my "fearless muscle" and learn how to be more bold with living my life.

One of the first things on my to do list was to run a trail half marathon. I've ran quite a few races before, but never on a trail (and especially such a technical and steep trail that we would be running at this particular race). I was so excited leading up to the race. I trained on the mountain bike trails that you can see from our back yard (and even got lost a few times...). I still can't believe how amazing it feels to run on a trail. After running on road for years, I never want to do another road race! Being in the woods, dodging roots and rocks, trudging up inclines and flying down hills .... it's gorgeous and so freeing.

The race ended up going quite well. The first 5 or 6 of the miles were a pretty steep incline (I seriously thought to myself "what was I thinking?!!?"), but the view once you got to the top of the cliff and the rush of accomplishment when you came out of the woods and across the finish line was so worth it.  I ended up finishing near the top of my age group and pretty well overall.  I am officially hooked!

We have another endurance trail race on our list for in September. Are there any other trail runners out there?

courageous + bold

I just finished reading "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan and I just can't shake a few thoughts out of my head.  I love it when I finish a book and the inspiration that it evokes lingers for a few days.  "Forgotten God" makes the argument that Christians often down-play and ignore the impact that the Holy Spirit has on our every day lives.  Chan says that we're not here on earth to merely survive, but our fearful and self centered attitudes distract us from living out God's grand and ultimate plan.  I don't know about you, but I tend to be an overly cautious person.  I like control and order in my life.  Figuring out different systems for how to complete a task easier excites me.  I eat the same few things for breakfast and lunch almost every single day.  Clutter makes me feel like I can't breathe.  I like predicability and feeling safe.  

Reading this book really made me stop and think about how I love my safe and predicable life.  I realized I like to depend upon my how understanding way too often than I would like to admit.

But, man, do I ever desire to be courageous and bold.  

"God wants the praise for what we do in our lives. But if we never pray audacious, courageous prayers, how can He answer them? If we never follow Him to positions where we need Him, how can He show up and make His presence known?"

I desire such a needy and dependent relationship with God.  I want to walk with Him morning, noon, and night.  I don't want to get through a day without asking for guidance and listening to nudges. I don't want to just think and plan... I want to courageously act. 

My prayer is that I seek God way more than I seek my own answers and solutions.  That I choose to let Him weave my story into His grand plan instead of clenching the pen in my hand and not letting go of my own plans. I pray that His dreams become my dreams. I pray for His strength to seek, act, and follow.