I love being a mom (understatement). It's amazing how God designed women in a delicate and beautiful way that allows us to adapt to taking caring for a little, tiny human that we cannot even begin to express our love for. God has embedded instincts in us that cannot always be learned or taught. Lately I have been thinking about how when you become a mom, whether you're ready for it or not, a new life has budded and blossomed. As a mom, I am no longer who I was before my baby boy came along. He has changed me in ways I can't even put words to or fathom. Obviously, I knew my life would be different when adding a "plus one" to our little family, but I never fully understood the effect it would have on my identity. I never really expected that I would have to grieve that part of my life that is no longer true. New motherhood is a tangled web of emotions, hormones, changes, and beautiful discoveries and I'm finding myself smack dab in the middle of one.
I find myself feeling so thankful for all of this newness; it feels so fresh and exciting and so so hard (the good kind of hard). It is such a precious thing to feel God moving and molding me. But, to completely honest, it's hard to fully know what this new life looks like. Someways, it's hard to fully accept it. I can feel myself squirming uncomfortably--wary of changes and seeking comfort. I guess this is me--being real--and just writing some thoughts out.
The awesome thing about all of this is that we might not know "the plan" or what our future looks like or what our life should be like when we add "momma" to our title, but God has it all thought out for us. He has it all under control (and it's way better that way). He made us and he knows who we are--limitations and all.
Thank goodness He is enough every time I'm not.