a little inspiration

“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” 

Mother Teresa

I read this quote a few days ago and I just can't forget it.  "Be the living expression of God's kindness...".  
I just love the emotion + inspiration that phrase evokes in me.  It doesn't get any better than that, does it?

grace for the good girl :: #TheSamePage final week

This post is continuation about the book, Grace for the Good Girl by Emily P. Freeman.  #TheSame Page started reading this book a few months ago.  I finished Grace for the Good girl just last week.  ((I cannot recommend this book enough.  Such a truth-filled, amazing read, especially if you've struggled with living a life full of high expectations + perfectionism.)) 

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It's been difficult to write out some of my thoughts that are lingering.  I knew that I wanted to wrap up my thoughts about the book, but I also wanted to sit with them for a little while and just be quiet.  I wanted to allow everything to soak in.

Before this book, I was constantly exhausted and left wondering what I was missing in my life and in myself.  Why I couldn't just be better, accomplish more, and be more disciplined?  I thought I was missing something that everyone else had.

Before this book, I met any concern or struggle with a fix and a lot of worry.  Almost like a quick bandaid that wouldn't stay put for too long.

Before this book, my relationship with God was extremely surface level.  I had a deep thirst and longing for Him, but I felt like I just couldn't meet un-said expectations.  As much as I wanted to connect with God, I often prayed, read, and journaled with my focus turned inward instead of outward.  It was often done out of obligation.

Before this book, I was a different person on the outside than on the inside. I had a closet full of masks.  I rarely let people in and I would allow other people + situations to determine what mask I wore when.

This book ministered my soul so deeply.  It took biblical truth and explained things in a way that allowed me to see + understand God's heart and intentions.

This book allowed me to change my tight, clenched fists into open hands.

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Interested in participating in the next #TheSamePage book?  Check out both Rachael and Blair's blogs for information!

His inheritance

Baby boy, when I hold you, the world stops spinning.  My mind slows down.  Everything feels right.  Tears sting my eyes, my shoulders relax, and my heart feels so full and heavy of love.  My arms melt and my chest aches.  I pray that you are able to see a real and true love through my eyes, my actions, my words.  It isn't a mystery that this world is hard and we're both going to make plenty of mistakes along this adventure together.  It isn't going to be easy, but I pray that I'm able to guide you more out of love + grace instead of fear + pride.  You are His inheritance and such a blessing to me.

the pendulum between grace and determination

A few days ago I posted about my thoughts about New Years resolutions.  I expressed how I was hesitant to make any resolutions because I didn't want to take my focus off of God, his strength + his plan and put it on myself and my own grand plan for my life.

A little back story -- If you've been reading my thoughts and notes here for a little while, you probably can gather that I struggle with being a Type-A planner and perfectionist.  2012 was a huge year for me.  A lot of amazingly, beautiful + God orchestrated things happened in my life that led me to a place where I was faced with the decision to either deal with my perspective on life or to be perpetually unhappy and exhausted with myself and my expectations.  Of course, this is something that I will always carry along with me because I'm human, but there was definitely a healing process and a perspective shift that I had to go through.  I realized I needed to actually accept God's grace instead of just understand it.  I also needed to offer myself grace.  {{side bar: Influence (the women I met, the speakers, the Word that was shared, the community, etc.) was a catalyst for all of my thoughts about this. I can't say enough about the community. Simply amazing.}}

Ok, back to the point.  I couldn't get the thoughts about 2013 that I wrote about out of my head after I hit publish.  I thought about them in bed at night, when I woke up in the morning, in the shower.  Finally, I realized I needed to really sit down and pray about it.  I put the babe to bed last night and sat cross legged on the floor with my journal and bible ready to just be.  I felt like I was in the tension of wanting to be gentle on myself, but also feeling inspired and wanting to move forward with life.

I realized by trying to protect myself from expectations and perfectionism, I essentially was paralyzing myself from committing to anything.  I was living in a state of not really owning anything.  I definitely think there are times in our lives where we need to turn our brains off and accept rest and space from God in order to heal and restore ourselves.  I think I needed that for a few months.  But, now I want to actively love and live my life fully and freely as God intends and moves through me.

I now realize that commitment is needed.  I can't live on the fence while trying to protect myself from failure, mistakes, hurt.  God intended me to accept rest for awhile, but now I'm just paralyzed by fear.  My fear of failure.  Fear of unknown.

I realized I was so paralyzed and protected that I wasn't allowing God in to show me his purpose for me.  I was seeing His beauty, but I wasn't experiencing it.  

This is such a sensitive tension in life... the pendulum between offering yourself grace, but also being determined and setting goals.  I know one thing for sure, I want to life, breathe, feel, + fully experience God's beauty and plan.  I want Him to move me with what ever he intends.  And, He can't do that if I'm  paralyzed.

It's 2013!

source

2013.

When did time suddenly start to go so fast? It seems like the older I get, the faster time ticks by. It makes my mind spin if I stop to think about it. I swear just yesterday I was the nerdy girl playing the spoons in our 4th grade music production (I thought I was so cool) and now I'm all married up with a baby boy and a shaggy pup while living in a little bungalow.

I found myself thinking about the new year throughout the past few days. I love the feeling of a fresh start; a blank slate so to speak. It's fun for me to think back over the past few New Years. The parties, people, resolutions, and hopes while ringing in the new year. I've made so many different goals over the past couple of years. Goals that made me feel like maybe, just maybe, if I tried a little harder and reached a little further, I could attain more.  Be more.  "This year is my year," I would think to myself.

Needless to say, these goals never really stuck (surprise!). I maybe made it a week or two, but then something would cause me to get distracted. After a while I stopped even making goals because of past failures. I knew that I couldn't keep up with what I wanted to attain, so I didn't even try. I thought I kept myself safe that way.

Now today, as I sit curled up listening to my little boy sleep, all I can think about is how thankful I am that I have a relationship with God where I don't have to keep trying to prove myself to others or to myself. I don't have to prove anything or do anything on my own. I don't have to come up with complex fixes and plans to becoming a stronger, prettier, smarter, more accomplished person. I now realize (and often have to remind myself) that I will continue to fall short when I depend upon my own strength and resources. I always feel like I'm missing out and not good enough when my thought pattern and perspective is only focused on myself and my own strength. The cool thing? When I strive to aline ourselves with God and his perspective + mind-set, he's right there.  Helping me.  Providing strength.  Picking me back up again and again.  Re-directing me again and again...

and again.

Because my strength alone is definitely not enough.

All of this to say, I'm still not sure what resolutions I have for 2013. To be honest, I'm hesitant to make any. I know that I want to grow stronger as a woman, a wife, a mom, a friend. But I also know that I want to trust that God has the best scenario and story for me to live. I want him to be the author of that... not me.

merry christmas! :: a quick little recap

Happy day after Christmas! 

We celebrated the last few days by enjoying long, drawn out meals and conversations with family, 

reading + meditating on the Christmas story and celebrating with community,  

playing in a crazy snow blizzard, and 

remembering memories of Christmases in the past and thinking about Christmases to come. 

Our last few days have been so simple and restful.  

From our family to yours, I wish you a beautiful, beautiful time as we close out 2012 and look ahead to 2013! 

our cozy week

as life changes for me, i'm learning to appreciate the simple things.  the way hot steam come off my first cup of coffee.  the way my baby's little toes sound as they scoot around on the wood floors.  our pup's loud sigh as she settles into a mid-morning nap.  the beautiful, white and heavy snow hanging on tree branches.  i'm so thankful i'm able to slow down in this busy season to really see everything around me.    

it is a chilly and cozy week so far for us.  

we're learning how to climb and stand on literally anything and everything.  (i just love that cute little baby booty)

we've started lighting candles every morning while we get ready for our day.  our house is full of the scent of pine + evergreen + cinnamon.  

i'm not really one to go shopping all the time, but lately we've been taking little trips to the store to get out of the house.  i may have purposely forgotten milk the last time we went to the grocery store so we would have to take another trip back later in the week ... 

every afternoon, i find myself indulging in cup after cup of hot tea.  i haven't found a favorite yet, but this holiday blend is pretty good.  (especially when paired with an oatmeal cookie ... )

i hope you're all feeling loved and blessed this week!