summer with a boy

To tell you the truth, I was so nervous to find out that we were having a boy while I was pregnant.  A lot of my friends that were Moms had daughters, I had an older sister, and the majority of my cousins (who are like siblings to me!) are girls as well.  The unknown was daunting and I had no clue how I was going to connect to this little guy that was growing inside of me.  

Now, with a year and a couple months under my belt as a Mom, I couldn't see my life any other way.  I would be lying if I didn't admit that there are days I wish Ramsey was just a little bit less active and daring, but when I'm honest with myself I realize how much of a gift having an active and adventurous boy has been. 

The summer is going by way too fast (as it always does), but my guy and I have really enjoyed every last bit.  I have really gotten to know him on a different level over the past few months and we have connected like never before.  We have spent more hours outside rather than inside and have explored almost every inch of our backyard and the trails by our house.  It's so much fun to watch him be so purely excited and full of joy.  There is always a hill to climb, some dirt to get into, and some bird searching to be done.    

devil's lake trail run

One of my prayers this summer was to say yes to things that make me nervous. I started the summer knowing that I want to stretch my "fearless muscle" and learn how to be more bold with living my life.

One of the first things on my to do list was to run a trail half marathon. I've ran quite a few races before, but never on a trail (and especially such a technical and steep trail that we would be running at this particular race). I was so excited leading up to the race. I trained on the mountain bike trails that you can see from our back yard (and even got lost a few times...). I still can't believe how amazing it feels to run on a trail. After running on road for years, I never want to do another road race! Being in the woods, dodging roots and rocks, trudging up inclines and flying down hills .... it's gorgeous and so freeing.

The race ended up going quite well. The first 5 or 6 of the miles were a pretty steep incline (I seriously thought to myself "what was I thinking?!!?"), but the view once you got to the top of the cliff and the rush of accomplishment when you came out of the woods and across the finish line was so worth it.  I ended up finishing near the top of my age group and pretty well overall.  I am officially hooked!

We have another endurance trail race on our list for in September. Are there any other trail runners out there?

courageous + bold

I just finished reading "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan and I just can't shake a few thoughts out of my head.  I love it when I finish a book and the inspiration that it evokes lingers for a few days.  "Forgotten God" makes the argument that Christians often down-play and ignore the impact that the Holy Spirit has on our every day lives.  Chan says that we're not here on earth to merely survive, but our fearful and self centered attitudes distract us from living out God's grand and ultimate plan.  I don't know about you, but I tend to be an overly cautious person.  I like control and order in my life.  Figuring out different systems for how to complete a task easier excites me.  I eat the same few things for breakfast and lunch almost every single day.  Clutter makes me feel like I can't breathe.  I like predicability and feeling safe.  

Reading this book really made me stop and think about how I love my safe and predicable life.  I realized I like to depend upon my how understanding way too often than I would like to admit.

But, man, do I ever desire to be courageous and bold.  

"God wants the praise for what we do in our lives. But if we never pray audacious, courageous prayers, how can He answer them? If we never follow Him to positions where we need Him, how can He show up and make His presence known?"

I desire such a needy and dependent relationship with God.  I want to walk with Him morning, noon, and night.  I don't want to get through a day without asking for guidance and listening to nudges. I don't want to just think and plan... I want to courageously act. 

My prayer is that I seek God way more than I seek my own answers and solutions.  That I choose to let Him weave my story into His grand plan instead of clenching the pen in my hand and not letting go of my own plans. I pray that His dreams become my dreams. I pray for His strength to seek, act, and follow. 

five minute friday : "listen"

today i'm linking up with lisa-jo baker and her marvelous idea of "five minute friday". every friday she gives a one word prompt. you write unscripted for five minutes flat. this friday's prompt was "listen". here goes!

--

i sit down next to my friend. warm mug of coffee in hand. we quickly get the normal questions out of the way--kids, husband, job, weather. we sink down a little deeper into our seats and hold our mugs a little closer. i prop my feet up on the edge of the chair. my heart feels like it is going to burst with all the thoughts and emotions i want to share, but i utter no words. i have an urge to fill the silence with random words strung together, but then i realize that silence is golden. and if silence is golden, listening is even better. my friend begins to unfold and share. and i listen.

i leave the coffee house that night with a different and outward perspective.

the simple things

it's spring and starting to feel like summer!  hallelujah.  there is something that just comes alive in me when the temperature warms up, the sun shines, and the leaves begin to green.  i am an outside girl through and through.

i started thinking earlier this week about how fast summer seems to slip by.  it's almost like we rejoice when the temperature starts to warm up and then all of a sudden we trade our bare feet and iced coffee for scarves and spiced lattes.  just thinking about it gets me a little overwhelmed because i want to make sure i squeeze out every little goodness summer has to offer.

so, i decided that i'm going to focus on two little phrases during these summer months to ease the anxiety of it slipping by too quickly and to help keep me intentional about what really matters.

ready for it? (drumroll....)

keep it simple. 
and
be fearless. 

i love the simple things.  great coffee in the morning, getting dirty in the garden, a family walk to the park, fresh sheets on our bed.  some times i don't take the time to relax and realize the amazing goodness that god has already blessed me with.  i really want to stop and savor god's blessings as much as possible this summer.

and, this being fearless thing has me so excited.  being vulnerable and fearless has been on my mind for quite a few months.  i love adventure and community, but i don't always take the time to actually seek it out and foster it.  i tend to just daydream about my crazy ideas without actually taking a step forward with anything.  so, i'm choosing to be a little more fearless this summer.  when my brain says "no" or is hesitant about something fun ... i'm going to give it a whirl instead!

it will be fun to document a few of my thoughts on here throughout the summer months.  is there anything that you're focusing on this summer?

admitting my weakness.

image source

it's been quiet on here for a little while.  mostly because of life changes. transitions of sorts.

nothing crazy big, but just a lot of little things.  i didn't really think much of it.  we have fallen into a healthy routine and way of living as a family, so i thought the little things would be managed well along the way.

but, what i realized this past weekend is that a lot of little things add up to be a big thing. and big things make me want to stay in bed longer.  they make me thirsty for quiet when it feels like the entire day is filled with noise.  these big things sneak up behind me all incognito and knock me down when i least expect it.

and, for some reason, it was hard for me to get up this time.  i feel like i have been fighting tooth and nail to just rise above the tension.  the anxiety.  the long, tired days.

this morning, after a few random tears and a breakfast mishap, i walked upstairs to just catch my breath and collect my thoughts.  to sort of re-calibrate my perspective.  all i could keep thinking about was, "what is wrong with me?  i've got this.  i can handle this.  why is everything (and everyone!) being so difficult?!".  (oh goodness, my pride.)

and then it dawned on me.

i am striving to fight alone.  and all this struggling is causing me to feel all sorts of shame and guilt, which are all too heavy for one person to carry.

i like to be strong.  i like to pride myself on being an independent and healthy woman.

but none of these things matter when i don't have god.


i've been a this place.  many times.  the place of thinking that i have it all together.  i have all the answers.  the fixes.  the solutions.

i look and act the part of the buttoned up, perfect woman.  but, in all reality, i am a mess.  i am anything but neat and tidy and i kind of like it that way.

what i'm learning is that to be christian doesn't mean that you have it all together.  it doesn't mean that you're always happy with kids that are cute and ready to please.  it doesn't mean that you have the perfect house (and you're the perfect host!) for community group.  it doesn't mean you know all the answers to the crazy questions life forces you to ask.

it means that you're weak.  and you're willing to be weak.

to be a christian means to own up to all this messy craziness and admit our need for a savior.

amen. thank goodness.

we went a swingin'

over the weekend, we decided to ignore the lingering snow piles and celebrate spring by taking a trip to the park.  ramsey tried out the swings for the first time and his reaction was priceless!  i wanted to just freeze time and soak up that entire moment.  i can't get enough of his chubby, little legs pumping and swinging and his contagious giggles.  enjoy the little video i captured with our phone.

here's to bare feet, future picnics + park dates, and hoping spring comes soon!