i woke up early this morning. it felt so good to feel the cool breeze of a summer morning float through my wide open bedroom window as i scooted farther and farther under the crisp sheets. this morning felt different from the others. my thoughts have prevented me from sleeping as of late. i guess renovating a coffeehouse, buying a new house, and getting married merit no sleep, but that’s besides the point. i had a different outlook this morning. a different vigor. i have been longing for these positive thoughts for a few weeks now.
i was beginning to think that i wasn’t going to be able to enjoy this crazy time that God has put before us, and that frustrated me to no end. i felt like i was having a hard time enjoying the beauty of life because i couldn’t get my mind off of the changes that were going on. there was a fear inside of me that was getting in the way. my fear of failure. my fear of the unknown. my fear of not being good enough. these fears were whispering in my ears, taunting me to listen.
what i’ve realized is you can’t accomplish anything great without these fears. without obstacles, we will live a very boring and bland life full of predictable occurrences. nothing will happen to makes our hearts beat a little faster and our stomachs fly like butterflies.
i realized that these realities on the horizon are gifts. gifts that were given to me. why wouldn’t i strive after them? why let fear paralyze me into quitting? it’s going to be exhausting. exciting. wild. … as long as i don’t get stuck in the moment where i listen to fear and quit.
this morning everything seemed a little more clear to me. i’m not a “quitter”. God gave me this path … this purpose … and it is coming more and more real with every day. i know that i’ll still have days when everything seems a little “too much” and i question my decisions. it wouldn’t be right if this wasn’t a journey with obstacles … ups and downs. the one realization that will remain true is that this is a God-sized dream and as long as i keep listening and following (even when i can’t see), everything will be okay.
ok, enough preaching for one morning …