Ok. I'm about to get real.
I'm so judgmental.
There. I said it. ((deep breath))
I'm so quick to judge others. I easily can criticize myself. For some reason, "real life" just isn't good enough. That woman at the coffee shop with her screaming baby? -- she totally should leave the room instead of sitting there and letting it echo (been there, done that). That man sitting next to his wife, but barely putting his phone down long enough to even give her a loving glance across the table? -- he is so selfish. Don't even get me started on myself. I should dress a little cuter, make healthier dinners (perhaps granola with a side of cheese and crackers the 3rd day in a row isn't that great?!), I should pursue my husband more, and be present with R when he's wanting to play.
What a beautiful word, right? I thought I understood this word for years. But, surprise!, I really didn't. Our family is in a crazy (but good!) season right now, and these messy & ugly little realizations are bubbling up. God has a funny way of making that happen. We go through different situations in life (good and bad), and some times deep, dark things about ourselves are unearthed. I'm so thankful for this. Thankful that I'm provided with a chance (or 2... 3... 6 chances) to be able to learn more about myself through God's character.
I think my focus on "perfectionism" is what influences my judgy outlook. Vulnerability is scary. And, in order to be vulnerable, you need to accept the messiness of life. You need to accept the brokenness of yourself and everyone around you. We can't be perfect. We have fallen. Time and time again.
God's whole plan. God's grace is beautiful. Life takes on a different light once we accept his grace and live/act out of his grace. I don't think I really ever took the time to stop and receive God's grace until recently. I thought abut it a lot, but i never accepted it. Maybe because deep down I thought I was "good enough"? I ignored the mess and desperate need for him.
So, today (and every day to come) I'm going to try to accept vulnerability and God's grace. Accept the beautiful, beautiful mess that we are as humans and the crazy lives we live. I want people to see Christ when they interact with me -- not a "perfect" or put together Meg.
I'm going to pray that the second my eyes open in the morning, God moves through me during the day and I shut off the thoughts in my mind telling me that I need to be better and try harder. Those "p words" will be the end of me (perfectionism and pride...). I know I will fall and fail time and time again -- but that's the reality of it all. Accepting grace is a totally different thing than just understanding grace (which is still quite important).
Grace. Grace. Grace. Rest in grace.